There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
