I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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