I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
