It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
