Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
