i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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