Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this boner is exhausting
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
