I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
