That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i think i just lost a toe
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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