Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
