I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
the raccoons are back...
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