is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
