we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
