Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize