The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
