I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
