if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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