I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He better not be in your backpack
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
