gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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