I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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