Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
