Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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