Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
