i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize