After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
