I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's always time for handjobs
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
