Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
