I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
