You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
