i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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