pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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