I like my sex mixed with concussions.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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