I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
