But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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