I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
