we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
They have beer where we have blood.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
