Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Still dying that you shit outside
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
