ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
