I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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