..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
