And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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