The maid of honor just puked.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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