FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
