508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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