dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
