You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
