ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize