drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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