Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
