I want to have your abortion
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
