He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
