Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i've created a new STD.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
