11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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