Christians are straight up FREAKS
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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