it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
