a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
