one might say we're banned from that church
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
