I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
