My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
