this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize