Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
