I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
