Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
