I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize