my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize