can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no, he came in my armpit
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
