Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
