If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
