How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
