TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just invented taco cereal.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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