Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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