Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We are two peas in an std pod
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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