By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize